Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
