So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
