Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
