help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
