My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize