alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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