Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
