Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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