I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize