for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
