Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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