I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
