one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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