What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
