What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
