I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
