I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize