i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
