Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize