I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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