I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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