things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
