Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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