why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
