so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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