I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
