True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
