I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
