don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
