your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
