I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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