Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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