its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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