I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
