would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize