he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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