Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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