well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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