hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
