Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
