He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
