its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
