Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
