so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
