You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
