After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
