Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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