No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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