OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
