I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
