im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
