Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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