This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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