why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
