he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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