Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
time to smoke my breakfast
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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