my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
