Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
