i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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