I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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