so explain again why im purple
no
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Randomize
