I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
even my farts smell like vagina
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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