also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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