There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
