K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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