normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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