A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
