Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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