And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
