I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
