Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
