I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think I died a long time ago.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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