i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
