you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You work out of a Hotel?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Randomize
