My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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