i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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