worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
