i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
