You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
