This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
