Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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