Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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