There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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