You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
