Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
