that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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