guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
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