I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
