am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize